Video Transcription
My fellow Americans, I'm speaking to you tonight about a strange new phenomenon that has infiltrated our military bases and spread throughout our armed forces.
It has a name. Listen carefully.
It's called nymph fever, and I'll say it again. Nymph fever.
I thought it was a hoax. I didn't believe such a thing was possible until I fell victim to it myself.
Now I'm issuing a warning to everyone in this great country of ours.