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But at least now I know he understands me, and if it's him, the man who already changed my life so beautifully, I'm sure he will do anything in his power to support me.

I know I'm hypocritical. I don't deserve his understanding. I didn't even tell him exactly how I feel, and that's partially because I wanted to observe what his reaction would be.

But really, how shameless of me. Calculative and rabid, that's what I am. I know more than anyone just how amazing of a man he is, and yet I still try to test him.

Is it a trust issue? Because I'm a bittersill. Maybe it's the subconscious way I choose to show him what kind of a woman I truly am. Of course I want to live up to his expectation, but unfortunately Luca made me understand the truth about myself.

That I'm actually a broken human being, I don't remember when since it was so tribal complaining to me about it, but I do remember plainly telling him how bad of an idea it was. I even brought him to carry so that he could reiterate my point.

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