You say you have a large collection of dildoes and vibrators which keep you sane. This isn't unusual; it's the same thing most women do when home alone. A recent scientific study revealed that 82% of healthy women get themselves off like this on a regular basis. The same study concluded that most of the remaining 18% who denied doing it were being untruthful. The study's panel also agreed that even women who have regular sex with a partner also have a need for the superior orgasms that only masturbation can provide. They reported that it is a totally natural phenomenon, is nothing to be ashamed of, and has nothing to do with morality or the social class the women belong to. This of course was a polite way for the study's panel to report that snobby, holier than thou, upper class bitches spank, rub and vibrate their throbbing wet cunts just as often as the poor working class girls. In your case, however, you would prefer hard young cock to lasciviously gratify your self. Too bad you waited until your 40s, but GO FOR IT. As they say, it's never too late.